...It hurts to look at you.

I've been watching a ton of My So-Called Life, so much, in fact, that Angela Chase's moods have coincided with my monthly cycle--making me super emo. And to think my grandmother wishes I would find my "soulmate" already. If I were currently in a relationship, he would be tortured, make no mistake. Here's what I think now that I'm reviewing the show.

First off, can we talk about Angela's tendency to run her fingers through her hair? It was as if she had to make sure her locks were still intact. And, with the magic of television, she was able to do this and still avoid having her head become a grease pit.

Also, she cocked her head to the side more often than a curious puppy. Which means she'd have some terrible neck pain today. I am convinced.

I also feel that Jordan Catalano would have probably amounted to nothing. At the most, he'd have gone on to manage a record shop. And what's become of record shops these days?

Angela's younger sister, Danielle, would have gone on to be a props mistress for a theater company in the city. Why? Because, I've met this girl over a dozen times. She's a little off, but a secret genius, artistic. She'd have a live-in boyfriend who wears animal costumes in public for kicks, they'd have a pet pig, and hold a commitment ceremony with a nerdy theme. (I'm thinking anime or Renaissance.)

Angela's parents, Patty and Graham, would eventually have heart problems and Alzheimer's, respectively.

Rayanne would move into an RV with a boy named, Snake Pit, and they would live off the land.

Ricky Vasquez would just be fabulous. Always. And probably my roommate.

Sharon is married. She has three kids, and her life is terribly boring.

Brian Krakow would be a scientist, or a lawyer, or a conservative politician and would most definitely have lost his virginity late in life to a mail-order bride, or some chick he found on Craigslist.

Angela? She's a freelance writer and an environmentalist. She's would have had many torrid affairs with older men. She may have dabbled with lesbianism. And, if she ever married, she would have kept her last name, because surnames were so important to that girl, it's like, I don't know, beyond ridiculous.