Today's Thoughts

#1- Am I overly thrilled by the fact that there's a town in California called "Oxnard"? Um...define "overly"...

#2- To the girl who burst from some other dimension and ran directly in front of my car at the 4-way stop without giving me so much as a glance: Bright purple jacket? Nice choice. Otherwise, you would have been turned into a speed bump by a white Ford Focus today. As a pedestrian you do have the right of way, but you still have to proceed with caution and pay attention. Having the right of way does not make you invincible.

Unless...wait! Now I'm thinking about how you seemed to appear out of thin air. Bitch, do you have powers?!

#3- Speaking of 4-way stops, here's a thing most of Chicago seems to not know! When approaching an intersection with a stop sign it is absolutely necessary to stop when the car in front of you does because, well, you don't have much of a choice. However, and here is where some of you seem to be getting confused, when the car ahead of you goes and you pull forward to the stop sign, you still have to stop. "Again?!" Yes, again. See, the car in front of you stopping does not also count as your stop at the intersection. That's not how this works. Know how I know that? Because a stop sign, oddly enough, is not a traffic light, therefore the process is not the same. I hope this helps you not kill me and/or yourself during the morning commute. (Consider this my good deed for the day.)

#4- Ladies wearing flats without socks in 50-degree weather: Hoes, it is still nippy out. I know you're eager to show a little skin after the brutality that is Winter, but your time will come. Also, my socks and oxfords indicate that you are definitely not any better or cooler than I am. What have you got to prove anyway? Warmer weather is coming, I promise. Relax a bit.

#5- To the customers who try to memorize their credit card numbers then recite them while placing orders: Folks, I've said it before, I'll say it again, this shit is not necessary at all. It is printed across the plastic for a reason, and you are causing yourself much more frustration than you believe by trying to attempt this feat of lunatic daring. I will not think less of you if you are holding the card in front of you and reading it into the phone. In fact, I won't know the damn difference, because I can't see you through said phone. Also, I don't give a shit. Memorize something more useful in this situation like, for instance, which show you want to see or which night you'll be attending. (Though, even that could be written on a Post-It or something. It's cool.)