Topher speaks.

The year is 2001, I think. I am obsessed, I repeat, obsessed with That 70's Show and, more importantly, Topher Grace. I just adore his comedic timing, think he's brilliant, believe that his character, Eric Forman, is how he is in real life, and want to get married. You know, simple stuff. My first trip to Los Angeles as a budding actor myself is centered around a live taping of what I consider "the only good thing left on TV." (No one had seen Arrested Development yet, so I feel I was in the right here.)

Anticipation mounting...in other words, I cannot frigging contain myself. My heart races as my friends and I (with my Memaw in tow) drive our rental car through Studio City. (We weren't physically towing my grandmother. She was allowed in the car with us and could walk quite easily. Relax) The back entrance into the studio is unmistakable, because there is an enormous, tie-dyed sign hanging by the door that makes the retro lover in me nearly orgasm. I am not kidding. We approach the studio, confirmation in hand, and are told, "Sorry. The live taping of That 70's Show has been canceled for today, and we've moved you into a taping of Titus." Mother fucking Titus. (Sigh. It was good.)Heartbroken, I return to Georgia with a photo album full of memories and a rejection story. If only they could have written me a letter.

My love for the show grows and, for the next few years, I watch it take a bit of a spiral downward as most American comedies tend to do once they've been on the air for longer than three seasons. These are the facts, USA. You can take them or leave them. We have a tendency to overdo it. Still, I am dedicated (and married in my mind) to Topher. I had to see it through. Sometime right after I graduate college, it is announced that the show will be going off the air. Then they change their mind. The show will remain, but Topher is not coming back. Excuse me? Attempt to continue this show with out the presence of Eric Forman? Mind-boggling. I can't deal. I make one more attempt at seeing the show taped and, most importantly, expressing my appreciation for Topher Grace's talents in person.

My partner in crime this time around is my college friend Emily Reynolds, nee Emily Foley. Eager for face time with Topher Grace and Danny Masterson (Emily's 70's Show crush. Sorry, Kutcher!) we make t-shirts. Yep. T-shirts. They are white and depict the man of our choosing. We are ready, we are excited and, most importantly, we are 100% confirmed for the taping. It happens. It happens in a big way and, I am such a loud laugher, I am asked to keep it down and given some swag for my troubles.

Lo and behold, there is a post-taping meet and greet. This is our chance! Danny Masterson approaches us, adores Emily's shirt and signs it, I believe. We ask, "Where's Topher?" Danny Masterson takes one look at my shirt and (trust me) his face falls.
"Topher had to bail."
"What?" I ask.

What?!
"He's going to be sad he missed out on seeing this shirt."

He could have gotten married that day, but he didn't. Of course he would be sad when he realized what he'd missed out on that night, or at least this is what I start telling myself.


My love for Topher Grace has not dissipated over the years, but it is at a very healthy I-could-be-friends-with-that-celebrity level now. It is settling to finally be at peace with the events that occurred the two times I visited L.A., even though I failed at my mission, not once, but twice. Emily is now a freelance writer and, every now and then, she gets to interview celebrities who are passing through the Atlanta area. One of her interviews this week was none other than Mr. Grace himself. We briefly discuss our trip to L.A. and how she should really give him crap about ditching the meet and greet to go do something that was probably much less important all those years ago. Imagine my surprise when I check my voice mail on February 17th, and I hear the following:



Unbelievable. And, according to Emily, leaving a message for me was all his idea. As my friend Jo has stated, "That is so baller!" I have to agree. It is. Also, though, incredibly nice to the young super fan that dwells inside of me. He didn't have to do that. First response from a celebrity crush (Way to not take initiative, Macaulay Culkin!) and it is dipped in solid gold...and chocolate. If I could respond to Topher Grace, this is what I would say:

Dude...thank you, from the bottom of my geeky little heart. I adore you and always will. I have a boyfriend I kinda like now, so nothing can happen between us. But, if you ever wanna grab a drink or some coffee, platonic style, I'd love to pick your brain about the episode where you and Kurtwood Smith spent the majority of the half hour atop a hunting blind looking for deer. You two were remarkably funny and brilliant in those scenes. It was then, and remains now, some of the best moments of television I have ever seen. Also, I'm sort of working in a box office right now but would like to be doing other things. I have these scripts that I've written...