The language barrier between humans and dogs

I. Love. Animals.
Did you get that?

If I see a dog or a cat in public, I lose my mind. I once took an unnecessary trip around the block so I could walk past a Starbucks and check out a dog without seeming too forward. Some folks are not friendly when you talk to their dog in public. A problem, I say, unless their dog is an asshole and wants to bite strangers. Then, I say, "Good on you, dog owner, for being smart and providing a service!"

I also talk to animals like they're people. I have conversations with my cat about shit that I could never discuss with fellow humans. I'm fairly certain he listens, though his advice comes in the form of either A) Licking his tail, B) Rubbing his head on my foot, C) Leaping from the sofa and sprinting to his food bowl to check that it is full, or D) Suggesting I talk to someone I believe he calls "Merle." I've yet to locate "Merle" but I'm sure he's great, as Albus mentions him repeatedly...daily. It's kind of obnoxious.

Last year, while staying with a friend in Japan, I noticed a dog tied up outside of a store. We all freaked! That's my friend, myself, and the dog, all wagging our tails and getting genuinely excited about meeting. I walked forward and immediately launched into typical speech I reserve for animals who are strangers.

"Hey, buddy. What's up? You're handsome. I like your collar. It's red. It looks great on you. Where's your mom? Is she inside? What's she buying? Are you getting a treat? She'd better get you something. I think you're awesome."

My friend approached, petting the dog, talking and carrying on about how cute he was, and then I stopped dead in my tracks. My friend looked up at me as if to say, "What's wrong?"

"This dog...this dog is Japanese. He... doesn't understand English. He doesn't get what I'm saying."

It wasn't until that moment that I realized what a culture shock Japan truly can be. I was a little hurt and frustrated that this dog could not receive my compliments. I was also bewildered by that language barrier. I found it much more jarring than the ones I encountered at the airport or while shopping.

I mean, there are animals out there who do not understand English. They simply cannot comprehend it. It is not their first language. Weird, right?

Signed,
The Cocky American Animal Lover

Ca-Ca-Ca-Cats!

Look at this effing cat.
It isn't mine, but man do I wish mine would take some initiative! I mean, what a great photo!

I am neither a dog, nor a cat person. I am an animal person. I love them all. Except snakes...get the hell out of here with those. I understand there are people who don't "get" cats, but I'll be damned if I'm going to ever see eye-to-eye with a person who just flat out hates them. If anything, they've just been meeting the wrong cats.

Case in point: this little idiot here, wearing this contraption on its head and looking as dignified as ever. It's as if it were intentional. Put that on a dog's head and it will give you a look as if to say, "Oh, man, I am such a goofball. Aren't I? Am I not the biggest goof?"

But, this cat is just like, "Yeah. I'm wearing this. And? You still want to pet me. You're into it. And why shouldn't you be? I look damn good!"

It doesn't matter what the cat does, it will do it with grace and dignity. I'd even go so far as to say, when it comes to fashion, cats are the Lady Gaga of the animal kingdom. They will wear some crazy bullshit with pride seeking only your attention and never your approval.