See? That's not my problem.

Me: And could I get your credit card number, please?
Douche: Mmkay. You're gonna have to bear with me, alright? I'm driving 60 miles and hour down the road with my knee!

Sir, you've made me an accessory to something in which I never wanted to be involved in the first place. And your tone of voice makes me think that, somehow, I'm inconveniencing you. It isn't as if I called you up on your cell and interrupted your drive to see if you might be interested in "lemme get 11...NAH! Better make it 15. That doesn't make that much of a difference!" tickets for your employees on Thursday night. I was sitting here minding my own business, probably knitting, and you chose to call my place of work to make an over-the-phone order while operating a motor vehicle. The fact that you are endangering lives is not my problem, but yours. Quite frankly--you wreck your expensive car, I'll still be alive, and that's a fact. Suck on it a little.

Me: And could I just get the 4-digit code above your credit card number on the front of the card?
Douche: Jesus Christ!

Okay, no. That's a big no, sir. Again, let me remind you who began this transaction. If you are stressed it is your own damn fault. Also, why are you stressed? You just gave me your credit card number. I've asked four additional numbers that are right the fuck there on the front of your card! Please. Remain. Calm.

I'm calling Oprah about this.

Okay/Not Okay

There are many things that can be done in a jeep. You can go to the beach, go to the mountains, drive it respectively and safely in the city, just to name a few.


There is probably a long list of "not okay" things to do in a jeep, but there's one in particular that I encountered this morning. I feel the need to address it here:

It is not okay for you to drive for half a mile in the bike lane instead of joining the rest of the cars as if you are about to make an eventual right, only to blow your horn at the girl in the Ford Focus when she gets in front of you before the next major intersection, because she has no idea you are intent on being ahead of her. It is also not okay for you to be on your cell phone while doing this. That's probably why the girl in the Ford Focus will decide you should see her middle finger. She is not, in fact, showing you her manicure...because it isn't fresh. It is not okay for you to show your middle finger, because you are the one in the wrong in this instance. So, don't flip her off at that moment and don't flip her off when you pass her later while she's turning left. Just, don't. You are the asshole in this situation.

On second thought, I think I've changed my mind about people driving a jeep in the city. Not okay.