I'm not fluent in Douche, but I am learning!

Douchebag: Yeah, I'm callin' 'bout tickets. You got any?
Me: Could you be more specific?
Douchebag: For a show.
Me: When?!
Douchebag: Tonight. Or tomorrow.
Me: We're sold out for professional shows tonight and tomorrow at 8, there's availability at 11pm tomorrow night.
Douchebag: What else you got? Any other thing? The message said you had another one...
Me: We have an independent stage that is set aside for up and coming performers...
Douchebag: When is that?
Me: Tonight at 10:30.
Douchebag: Okay.
Me: Okay?
Douchebag: Yeah.
Me: You want one of those shows?
Douchebag: Yeah, let me get two of those.

((Transactional bullshit and then...))

Douchebag: Yeah, where am I going?
Me: Where are we located?
Douchebag: Yeah.
Me: You're going to 1608 North Wells Street and...
Douchebag: What?! How you spell Rowl?
Me: You... don't. You're going to Wells street. Like wells of water.
Douchebag: Oh! W-I-L-D?
Me: No.