Friday, January 29, 2010
Wait. I don't get it.
"Do you have anything available for the Flu show on Saturday?"
"No, I'm sorry it is sold out."
"The 8 o'clock?"
"Yes, sir."
"How about the 11 o'clock?"
"That is sold out as well. The show is completely sold out for tomorrow."
"No. Not tomorrow. Saturday!"
"Sir, tomorrow is Saturday."
"Oh, yes. So are there tickets for tomorrow?"
"No, sir. Everything is sold out tomorrow."
"What about for anything else?"
"No, sir. The shows are sold out. "
"What about Studs?"
"That show is sold out tomorrow."
"Completely?"
"Yes."
"When did it sell out?"
"9:05am this morning."
"Really? That is interesting because I tried to get them online last night and the computer system would not process. . . "
[Silence. Because, what else could I do at this juncture?]
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Oh, yay!
Oh, hehehehehehe! Like, OMG! There's a baby growing in my tummy! I'm so stoked! And Thora Birch, too? Gah!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Just some questions
When did we, as a society, start abbreviating the word "favorite" and accepting this as part of the vernacular?
Another question. When did we throw the rules of the English language out the window and start dropping the 'E' from "fave" so it comes "fav"?
Am I the only one who finds this unacceptable?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Friendly time on the Facebook
And it's true. She's always got one foot in her own shoe, and one in her other personalities'. It's a remarkable trait.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Day's Agenda
>
#1- Wear the best shoes ever claiming they are the key to world peace. CHECK!
#2- Accidentally be late to work causing much turmoil and drama. CHECK!
#3- Fill your evening with Conan fodder. CHECK!
#4- Read the words "Chicago Playwright Casey Pilkenton" then dance around the apartment. CHECK!
#5- Sing along to Elton John. CHECK!
#6- Make self ill from eating two, count them, TWO pan-fried, cheddar cheese quesadillas. CHECK!
#7- Love #6 despite the nausea. CHECK-ish!
#8- Pencil in some time to NOT see "The Spy Next Door" starring Jackie Chan. CHECK! *And that one is very important*
#1- Wear the best shoes ever claiming they are the key to world peace. CHECK!
#2- Accidentally be late to work causing much turmoil and drama. CHECK!
#3- Fill your evening with Conan fodder. CHECK!
#4- Read the words "Chicago Playwright Casey Pilkenton" then dance around the apartment. CHECK!
#5- Sing along to Elton John. CHECK!
#6- Make self ill from eating two, count them, TWO pan-fried, cheddar cheese quesadillas. CHECK!
#7- Love #6 despite the nausea. CHECK-ish!
#8- Pencil in some time to NOT see "The Spy Next Door" starring Jackie Chan. CHECK! *And that one is very important*
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I'm just not that into you
I don't dig this type of dude and I wish Perez Hilton and other gay men would stop trying to convince me that I'm into it.
I don't get it. First off, Channing Tatum is not a name. It's a disease or a lump or something a doctor needs to take care of. It's as if two surnames hooked up and had a kid. Not a fan. (Don't get me started on Leighton Meester).
Secondly, I can't ever remember what this dude looks like. I see his name underneath a photo of him and make the connection, but then forget his face five seconds later. Other than his abs, what is special? What?
Explain. I'm so confused.
I don't get it. First off, Channing Tatum is not a name. It's a disease or a lump or something a doctor needs to take care of. It's as if two surnames hooked up and had a kid. Not a fan. (Don't get me started on Leighton Meester).
Secondly, I can't ever remember what this dude looks like. I see his name underneath a photo of him and make the connection, but then forget his face five seconds later. Other than his abs, what is special? What?
Explain. I'm so confused.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
It's part of my job!
People, please.
"And your credit card number, please?"
(Digits given)
"And the expiration date?"
"June of 2013."
"And the three digit code on the back of the card?"
"You're not supposed to ask for that, but it's 336."
"We ask for them all the time."
"Well, you're not supposed to."
"Well, it's my job."
((Silence))
You do not have to be so catty. Giving this number out will not hurt you any more than giving your ENTIRE credit card number can. It is asked for on various websites if you shop online and, in many cases, you cannot purchase anything without it. And if it were meant to be top secret to retailers, it would not be printed in plain sight on the front or back of your damn card. So, my question for you is this...
What happened to you? Who hurt you? It wasn't me. And don't bitch me out for doing my job. I have to, because I have to eat. What the EFF?!
"And your credit card number, please?"
(Digits given)
"And the expiration date?"
"June of 2013."
"And the three digit code on the back of the card?"
"You're not supposed to ask for that, but it's 336."
"We ask for them all the time."
"Well, you're not supposed to."
"Well, it's my job."
((Silence))
You do not have to be so catty. Giving this number out will not hurt you any more than giving your ENTIRE credit card number can. It is asked for on various websites if you shop online and, in many cases, you cannot purchase anything without it. And if it were meant to be top secret to retailers, it would not be printed in plain sight on the front or back of your damn card. So, my question for you is this...
What happened to you? Who hurt you? It wasn't me. And don't bitch me out for doing my job. I have to, because I have to eat. What the EFF?!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Fantastic.
Now I'm following myself. I didn't mean to engage in blog masturbation in front of everyone. I am so sorry, you guys. How embarrassing.
Lyric Analysis: "Summer Girls" by LFO
It's been plaguing me for years. These guys:
At first glance, you might think, "Damnz. These fools be awesome."
And you be right. Not only are they totes awes, they are killer lyricists, straight up. I felt that it was my duty to share the lyrics to "Summer Girls" on my blog and to break them down, so you can truly understand how important this song was to pop culture. No doubt about it, this song is deep and these guys really get to the heart of things. It will go down in history and, when we are long gone and our civilization is obsolete, the recording will remain intact so that future generations can hear what we were all about as a people.
Scary. Here's how this little musical fossil begins:
Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember, Do you remember?
...when we met..That summer??
Nothing special there, just nostalgia. Do you remember?
New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
Okay, mentioning NKOTB. Fair enough, though I have two questions.
#1- What qualifies as "a bunch of"? Say, more than three?
#2- Did they think by mentioning the New Kids in 1999 they would gain some sort of clout in the music industry making them megastars? If so...backfire, my friends! NKOTB wouldn't have a comeback for another 9 years so, at the end of the 90's, no one cared about them. In fact, we wanted to hide from that previous obsession. Brush them under the rug. New Kids on the what?! It's like that one relative you never want to introduce to your new boyfriend. If we ignore Uncle Frankie, maybe he'll go away, right? Too early, LFO.
Oh, and the Chinese food thing? TMI
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer
It is really fly when chicks just roll on through for the season. 'Cause then you can bang them and forget them, right? Man, I'd love that if I were a dude.
Oh, and they must, must be wearing overpriced, pre-ripped jeans. It is such a plus, 'cause I'll be all like "Daaamn, girl! I'd like to rip somethin' else, ya heard?"
Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
Basically, we're just rhyming here. And also hoping our childhood hero of Larry Bird will hear our shout out on Top 40 radio and give us some props.
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy
I like the idea of someone "buzzin' like a hornet" when they drink. I don't like the fact that you're called Shakespeare "Billy" as if you're buds. And, once again, there's that quantifier of "a bunch". Though, Shakespeare wrote more sonnets than New Kids had hits, so I guess that's why we've thrown in the word "whole". Clearly, a whole bunch is more than a bunch.
I've got nothing for that Willy Whistle bullshit.
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
1- He's pissed. He meant to just bang this chick but now she's all stuck in his craw. Ugh.
2- "Alone", technically doesn't even rhyme with "home", so that's a point deduction
Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
Good for this A&F-wearin' ho!
Keep up these rhymes, boy. You'll get her back!
The chorus happens again here. We know it. Next!
Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
This has jackshit to do with this girl you're missing. What the hell are you even talking about at this point?
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
What a douche. Where is this guy now? Where is...what's his name? Rich Cronin. Acting wild somewhere, no doubt.
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
Don't. Even. Name drop. New Edition. Ever.
And this is a Georgia stereotype of which I am not familiar. We don't all drink lemonade, buddy, so watch it! And I'm known to be a bit of a fast talker. Georgia born and raised.
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
Now, you've crossed the line. Really! Throwing the chick's dirty laundry into the song is no way to win her heart. Out of line.
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
I'll bet you anything, this tool doesn't even know what it was Paul Revere did to earn him the qualification "Good man."
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
*sigh* I can't even.
Chorus again. More about the IBS with the Chinese food and next...
In the summertime girls got it going on,
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
It's as if he's saying, "I still love this one chick, but I'm also still a chauvinist, because it's cool. And, P.S., I'm gonna steal a Beastie Boys lyric and insert it here.
Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
What?!
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it
I'm buggin' right now just thinking of it.
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
"Color purple" is in lowercase letters, so I assume he's referring to the actual color and not the film starring Whoopi Goldberg. And who likes it? Him or her?
There's that quantifier again! Just a bunch of trees.
And don't try calling her, because you're the only person in the history of time who likes Kevin Bacon but hates Footloose. I'm not sure why that is. Probably because you are lacking a soul. If anything, it's just the opposite. Footloose is iconic, though Kevin Bacon kind of freaks me out. We are not compatible, Rich. I hope this song wasn't about me.
Came in the door I said it before,I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
I'm exhausted now. I can't even go on.
Luckily, all that's left over is that chorus and then more repeating of the Beastie Boys line.
I'm really glad I've done this. I'm super glad that I have a job that allows me to focus on such bullshit. And I hope you're thankful. More importantly, I hope you download this classic pop song tonight.
At first glance, you might think, "Damnz. These fools be awesome."
And you be right. Not only are they totes awes, they are killer lyricists, straight up. I felt that it was my duty to share the lyrics to "Summer Girls" on my blog and to break them down, so you can truly understand how important this song was to pop culture. No doubt about it, this song is deep and these guys really get to the heart of things. It will go down in history and, when we are long gone and our civilization is obsolete, the recording will remain intact so that future generations can hear what we were all about as a people.
Scary. Here's how this little musical fossil begins:
Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer
Do you remember, Do you remember?
...when we met..That summer??
Nothing special there, just nostalgia. Do you remember?
New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
Okay, mentioning NKOTB. Fair enough, though I have two questions.
#1- What qualifies as "a bunch of"? Say, more than three?
#2- Did they think by mentioning the New Kids in 1999 they would gain some sort of clout in the music industry making them megastars? If so...backfire, my friends! NKOTB wouldn't have a comeback for another 9 years so, at the end of the 90's, no one cared about them. In fact, we wanted to hide from that previous obsession. Brush them under the rug. New Kids on the what?! It's like that one relative you never want to introduce to your new boyfriend. If we ignore Uncle Frankie, maybe he'll go away, right? Too early, LFO.
Oh, and the Chinese food thing? TMI
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,
I'd take her if I had one wish,
But she's been gone since that summer..
Since that summer
It is really fly when chicks just roll on through for the season. 'Cause then you can bang them and forget them, right? Man, I'd love that if I were a dude.
Oh, and they must, must be wearing overpriced, pre-ripped jeans. It is such a plus, 'cause I'll be all like "Daaamn, girl! I'd like to rip somethin' else, ya heard?"
Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
Basically, we're just rhyming here. And also hoping our childhood hero of Larry Bird will hear our shout out on Top 40 radio and give us some props.
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy
I like the idea of someone "buzzin' like a hornet" when they drink. I don't like the fact that you're called Shakespeare "Billy" as if you're buds. And, once again, there's that quantifier of "a bunch". Though, Shakespeare wrote more sonnets than New Kids had hits, so I guess that's why we've thrown in the word "whole". Clearly, a whole bunch is more than a bunch.
I've got nothing for that Willy Whistle bullshit.
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone
1- He's pissed. He meant to just bang this chick but now she's all stuck in his craw. Ugh.
2- "Alone", technically doesn't even rhyme with "home", so that's a point deduction
Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
Good for this A&F-wearin' ho!
Keep up these rhymes, boy. You'll get her back!
The chorus happens again here. We know it. Next!
Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,
This has jackshit to do with this girl you're missing. What the hell are you even talking about at this point?
Always been hip to the B-boY Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile,
What a douche. Where is this guy now? Where is...what's his name? Rich Cronin. Acting wild somewhere, no doubt.
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
Don't. Even. Name drop. New Edition. Ever.
And this is a Georgia stereotype of which I am not familiar. We don't all drink lemonade, buddy, so watch it! And I'm known to be a bit of a fast talker. Georgia born and raised.
You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
Now, you've crossed the line. Really! Throwing the chick's dirty laundry into the song is no way to win her heart. Out of line.
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
I'll bet you anything, this tool doesn't even know what it was Paul Revere did to earn him the qualification "Good man."
You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
*sigh* I can't even.
Chorus again. More about the IBS with the Chinese food and next...
In the summertime girls got it going on,
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like,
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
It's as if he's saying, "I still love this one chick, but I'm also still a chauvinist, because it's cool. And, P.S., I'm gonna steal a Beastie Boys lyric and insert it here.
Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
What?!
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it
I'm buggin' right now just thinking of it.
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose
"Color purple" is in lowercase letters, so I assume he's referring to the actual color and not the film starring Whoopi Goldberg. And who likes it? Him or her?
There's that quantifier again! Just a bunch of trees.
And don't try calling her, because you're the only person in the history of time who likes Kevin Bacon but hates Footloose. I'm not sure why that is. Probably because you are lacking a soul. If anything, it's just the opposite. Footloose is iconic, though Kevin Bacon kind of freaks me out. We are not compatible, Rich. I hope this song wasn't about me.
Came in the door I said it before,I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
I'm exhausted now. I can't even go on.
Luckily, all that's left over is that chorus and then more repeating of the Beastie Boys line.
I'm really glad I've done this. I'm super glad that I have a job that allows me to focus on such bullshit. And I hope you're thankful. More importantly, I hope you download this classic pop song tonight.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Random A.M. thought.
When God created man, did that dude know we'd laugh at fart sounds? Or, is he kind of like my grandmother about it and everytime he hears us giggle, he says, "Come on, guys!"
Ponder.
Ponder.
Friday, January 1, 2010
So pretty
If you ever wanted to know what my inner self would look like if she were too burst out of me and start living her own life...well...here you go!
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/12/20/4-days-to-xmas-silent-night/
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/12/20/4-days-to-xmas-silent-night/
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