Girl talk

Meghan: I really like your ring.
Me:Thanks! You know, I don't know where I got this ring. You would think a ring THIS big, I would recall getting it, but I don't. I mean...maybe it was a gift...
Meghan: Maybe you stole it.
Me: Right! Maybe I just lifted it as a rebellious teen.
Nicole: Perhaps you made it.
Me: Yeah. I mean, perhaps it was forged in the fires of Mount Doom. Who's to say?
Meghan: That ring may have evil powers.
Me: It must be destroyed.

Thank you, Etsy gods! Thank you.

Just when I thought I'd gotten everything I ever wanted from the jewelry world- gold, bronze, silver, copper, antique, mod-looking plastic, long necklaces, short necklaces, recycled metal ring from Honduras, some beautiful shit that belonged to Memaw and Nanny- I come across something on Etsy that makes my heart skip a beat. I think, "Arrhythmia? No. Just the sight of some hairy balls."


That's right, ladies! For just twenty-eight bones, you can wrap your dainty little hands around these balls made of wooly yarn. Seven balls at that! It's like a necklace version of a fivesome...except the fifth guy has only one nut. In other words, it's every hetero girl's fantasy.


Don't youwant to wear testicular jewelry?