No contest!

E! Thanks for all that you do, truly. I love you. You keep me going, really. I say all of that to you now, because I am about to get a little rude. No. Scratch that! Real. I'm getting real with you, E! Why? Because your content, other than Joel McHale's beautiful face on The Soup, is shit.

What ever could I be talking about, Reader? This...


The folks over at E! decided to have a competition to see who our favorite franchise leading lady is and our choices are Bella Swan from Twilight or Hermione Granger from Harry Potter.

I know. You can pretty much stop reading now, because you know who I'd choose. How about, though, for giggles and shits, I tell you why? Yes? Great!

Here is what makes Bella Swan suck: She is pining away over a schmuck who would much rather eat her than anything else, but making out is as close as he can get, because he comes from a family of strict vegetarians...or vampires who won't suck human blood. Outstanding! Also, this dude leaves her so she cries, hallucinates, and fucks up the heart of her faithful werewolf friend. Bella has no best friend to speak of, no real personality (unless she's attached to her stone cold, glittery boyfriend) and I don't think she has any hobbies, either, unless wishing to have sex with someone who will literally bite into your flesh is a hobby. Then the answer is, yes, she does in fact have things to do in her spare time.

So, who is Hermione Granger? Um. A fucking bad ass, that's who! She's smart and it's been proven repeatedly. She's knows how to do magic. She's snarky. And her boyfriend is a lovable dolt of a character, but sweet. Sure, it took a while for her to land her man, but she didn't wallow in the process. Nope. She kicked ass. She kicked it hard, she kicked it good. And, when Ron starting being a dick, she straight up conjured some birds and sent them charging towards that asshole's head so fast he couldn't even see straight. That's ballsy and awesome. Hermione will not sit in front of her front room window and watch the seasons change while she cries. She will read a book or something, at least!

Let's not even get into the territory of comparing the two actresses. On second though, let's! Emma Watson-- seems intelligent and clever, fashionable, yet still somewhat rough and tumble. She's not the best actress in the world, but I've seen much worse, and her name is Kristen Stewart. Oh, K-Stew! Stoned much? Awkward much? What's up with your clothes? Terrible. Are you as confused as the rest of the world by the fact that you're a paid actress? Because you look like it...constantly.

Hermione Granger is the woman we all want to be, though, more often than not, we end up being Bella Swan. It's days like these that we need to cut ourselves and drink heavily. Believe me, the hangover will make you smarter. No pain, no gain, right bitches?

So, E! it's no contest. The true winner of this, is Hermione Granger. Hands down. The end.